Life and Times Toggle

Rituals (repost)

Rituals (repost)

This is a repost. I lost my site and a couple posts in the process. So this is directly from my phone with no edits. sorry


I’ve grown to appreciate the need for rituals.
For creativity. For self preservation. For peace of mind. For celebration.
I think I have a lot of them. I should write them down.
I’m at my favorite… (my only) Italian restaurant <link to tomatina> I get the chickn parm with a vanilla (Italian) soda
I miss my godmothers cooking.

<show tweet rant>
This song represents a duality that I relate to in my own abstract way and I some non-abstract ways.

These things help my mind kind of breathe and let loose.
Tonight. I’m suffering from exhaustion and my solution to it is to bury myself deeper into these vices that I have. It isn’t wise, I’m suffering. But am I really?
I’m starting to wonder if my insatiability for more causes me to find something to ‘fix’ or escape from. I need to fcking stop!
But do I…? I was talking to a client of mine the other day about these patterns I observe when I’m depressed. I realized during the conversation that maybe I do it for creativity. The whole tortured artist schtick. I said to him “I’ve done probably my greatest work out of depression” and I still agree to that.

That tweet about needing to talk to a professional.. has been a recurring theme/sentence/suggestion for the last couple years. It first came up in my last relationship and I couldn’t stand the thought of it coming from someone else. I believe in therapy but I just do things on my clock. When I’m ready. Like anyone else I’m sure and right now I’m excusing myself, like anyone probably, in the name of creativity.

But if you wanna go deeper.. I personally feel that I deserve to fall into a depression every once in a while. I’ve done some things… I do some things in life that just aren’t right, but I can’t help myself.. hell, I DONT help myself. I just do as I please and scrap that/those that don’t align with whatever it is. Not okay but no one can stop me for/from me..

Wonder where all this is coming from?
My life. I have everything I need. Damn near everything I want. Everything is peachy fckn keen. So why the tone? Why do I always write these depressing things? Haha idk. But I will say that I fckn did I over came my quarter life crisis and blew it out the water. My fear of complacency has really intensified my insatiability. Now I must succeed at all costs, especially after last time (

Sometime last month I decided that I want to open a barbershop of my own by 30. It’s been killing me. I do not sleep much haha but I’m obsessed. I keep finding ways to challenge my damn self. I wonder if I’ll ever just have enough. But that’s not important right now. What’s important is the year and a half get I have to make this happen.
Nothing happens if I don’t make it, but I like to set deadlines for myself because I don’t like talking. I dislike talkers. I fear wasted talent and all I want is to work for myself.
Everything is perfect in my current setup, but i just can shake that realization yanno?
I just want to be my own man and really get the ball rolling towards a damn loft. I can’t decorate these walls in my room that aren’t mine. Everything from my life at home is still in tubs.. just waiting for the day I have my own place to call home again. Again, I can’t stress how great my current living situation is.. but we all know how stubborn I am.

So here’s an update.
Still Dan, Still Dangerous.
Just more handsome and ambitious.

Still just a dollar and a dream <3
Still struggling. But have never been in a better place.

Someone help me fund this dream! I gotta start creating better experiences. I’m gonna do dope shit!

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