Life and Times Toggle



After it’s all said and done here I am.
Sipping on this amaretto that I do not know.
I’ve been off for 3 days and I’m ready to get back to work.. But my confidence is going through something.
Sometimes I feel like I have no clue what the hell im doing.

I know what I’m doing though.

I’m a little lonely right now. 

I’m okay with it, really. But it’s that feeling that I feel like it’s lonely at the top.

This is a good problem to have.
I have stripped myself of everything that I feel holds me back. So the only place to go is forward…
I guess you can say I’m in a place where I have everything I want and if I’m not getting exactly what I want then I don’t want it.. Yeah?
Idk man..

I can’t help but wonder what’s next! But I look forward to figuring it out.
Right now I feel like this free agent that can come and go as I please.
I really want to go to LA but i need to make said arrangements first.
After that I don’t know…

Part of me thinks that I should add another day to my work week and work 5 days, but I just don’t feel like I’m ready.
I do worry about the opportunity passing me up though. But a lot is on the line here.

I’ve done a whole lot of thinking over the last month and absolutely no writing.
Hell, I haven’t written in a few months.. I guess I just get kinda busy with living.

I’m sad at this exact moment but I’m happy all around. It’s not a lie, my life is dope and I’m doing dope shit.
I’m fortunate enough to be sitting here having a drink.
I’m fortunate enough to be at my target weight of 160lbs because I can afford to eat the food that I want to eat..

I get so emotional when I think about 2015
It breaks my heart that I experienced that and made it out alive, knowing that some people don’t..
I swear I just want to win life and show everybody that it’s so possible to do so and still be who you are.

I feel like I’m starting to feel this drink..
But I’m still gonna have another one.
I like where this is going.

I hate that I slouch.
I hate even more that it hurts to sit straight.

I’m working on being my own good company again.

I’m on this high horse right now.
I’m feeling a little arrogant over the way I am about things.
Sometimes I get off on the idea that everything that anyone knows about me is by my design.
It’s a freaky control thing that I think I find joy in.

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